We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
