I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize