You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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