Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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