And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
