just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
