remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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