Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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