pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
