Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
