Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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