fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
