So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
