You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
