the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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