The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So squirting runs in the family.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
