Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
