Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
