you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
