I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
