i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize