So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
