Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
