i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
