i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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