Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
