did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This baby is an asshole
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
