Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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