I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize