I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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