Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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