It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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