True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
