Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my shit smells like andre
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
