Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
