She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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