were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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