I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
