I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
