I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
