Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
