a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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