guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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