oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
