i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
