Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
