dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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