I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
