I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
