what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
