Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Text me some of your sweat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
