I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
