Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
the raccoons are back...
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