yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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