Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
