All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize