Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
