Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
