my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
