dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
