i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
