i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
