He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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