would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
