I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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