I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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