It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
