So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
