I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
