do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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