Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
