I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
