i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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