Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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