Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
