I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
