oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
