IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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