Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
