My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize