She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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