I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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