Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
