If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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