Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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