Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
