Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
