The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
