I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
