bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
