just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize