I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
