dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
