I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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