He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
