honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
