Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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