Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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